The Blog of a Pregnant Log*
Posted on October 29 2009. Comments: 3
Posted by:
Jane Prentice
(NB - log = theological student.)
Being pregnant whilst studying at Ridley has its ups and downs.
For a start, Michael's normally so delicious cooking begins to need avoiding... camembert in particular. And then there's the waves of nausea that just don't really allow for much eating at all.
On the up side, one gets a unique perspective into various bible passages that pick up on images of pregnancy, childbirth, labour and child rearing! (Psalm 139 - you knit me together in my mother's womb (wow! it took a pregnancy test to even know it was growing!), Romans 8 - the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth (oh yikes!), 1 Sam 4:19 - the wife of Phinehas, was pregnant and near the time of delivery. When she heard the news that the ark of God had been captured and that her father-in-law and her husband were dead, she went into labor and gave birth, but was overcome by her labor pains (um...), Exodus 1:16 - When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth and observe them on the delivery stool, if it is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live. (what atrocity), Isaiah 66:7-9 - (wow what a picture!) Also Elizabeth's baby leaping when she saw Mary, and many, many others.)
God's sovereignty is suddenly very clear, in realising the numbers of bible characters who prayed for a baby, and those who received one very late were so blessed. I'm so blessed. I didn't expect to realise I am so blessed. I've often thought that realising the depths of my sin provides deep insight into God's grace... but didn't expect to be bowled over by grace at the realisation God's gifted me with a fertile womb. I didn't expect that I would suddenly feel ashamed almost at how blessed I feel - there are many I know who do not face this blessing. I've certainly not done a single thing to deserve this privilege. In fact, if anything I'm still coming to terms with how this will change my life in ways I'm not sure I was ready for. This whole pregnancy thing is rather invasive, not just of bodies but of time, energy, money... and... and... for a very very long time! I think I need a few good buckets of patience and selflessness invested in me by God's Spirit so this selfish mother-in-the-making embodies a bit more of who she would like to be emulating! I guess grace has led to realising my undeservedness then. Reminds me of someone I can't remember from church history who was converted in realising this. Apparently forgetfulness is part of pregnancy and parenting. What am I writing about again?
Oh yes. Suddenly I find myself thinking twice about just how to interpret passages about sons that have been longed for... particularly when the wives were considered at fault for not producing male heirs. God in his sovereignty understood this biological issue - why did he not see fit to teach people earlier that the women were not responsible?
New Greek vocab suddenly becomes a potential baby name windfall... how about 'Charis' (grace), 'Anastasia' (resurrection), 'Zoe' (life)? Names that previously just sounded nice have such a richness now. Or could we branch out? Use something unusual like 'Stauros' (cross)? Or those unusual NT and OT bible names have an interesting ring... Silas... Jonah... Karen-Happuch... Melchizedek. But each has a story to go with it, be good to be sure of the strengths and weaknesses in each character so as to teach a child about their namesake with exegetical integrity...
Perspective on lecture length changes. "Doug, this point is interesting, but can we have a break soon?" Maybe Ridley could have snack breaks every half hour? And toilet breaks every 15 minutes? and sleeping breaks too? Could we start class just whenever I manage to arrive? Ok maybe that's not practical. But perhaps we could have an aisle in chapel for lying down in... And buckets in the classrooms in case one's stomach needs a quick...
It's weird knowing that finishing an MDIV is suddenly beyond my reach in the framework I had previously thought possible. This isn't something most guys face, I think... But many are the plans in a man's heart (or woman's)... they are not what prevail.
Did you know that a growing baby has a heart the size of a poppy seed at 5-6 weeks?! And it grows paddles in its side which will become arms and legs. And the ears begin to form with little canals that go into the side of the head. And at 13 weeks it is about 8cm long and has unique fingerprints!!
I really don't understand how anyone can contemplate aborting a growing person with unique fingerprints.
I wish I'd paid as much attention to my embryology subjects in my science degree as I do to my Greek verbs!
It can be slightly depressing wondering what use my studies will be, after however many months of possible breast-feeding, sleepless nights, stinky nappies and loads of washing. I'm not sure that my memory is that good! It's a long wait between birth and a kid learning to talk - who on earth can I talk to about these stimulating things I've been learning in that time? What will I need Greek verbs for next year? How many babies get soothed with a reading of Augustine's confessions? Do mother's talk to anyone about anything other than babies and mothering? Can I set a new trend? Will I be able to keep up with the things my husband thinks about in his outside-the-home ministry?
It's good to reflect on how Ridley has been transforming me... it's not just about learning knowledge about X or Y text. It's not just dates and place names or conjugations. God's been breaking down assumptions, building patterns, strengthening resolve, highlighting sin, overwhelming me with each essay with his holiness, plannedness, care for his people, importance of Jesus as a priest, a passion for mission, the wonder of the cross...
Perhaps having this bub will be a test - how has Ridley helped my identity to be firmly in Jesus, not in being a student or mother. How will this play out? How has Ridley shaped me for life, which encompasses various types of the thing called 'ministry'... rather than for a vocation? The jury's still out. Maybe I can write a blog if I ever come back about that.
Comments
Tuesday, 03 November 2009
Luke Prentice says:
these reflections are what i admire most in theological integration—those that integrate truth from 2 different angles: (a) god, his creative work, his saving work; and (b) real life here and now with its joys and sorrows. “theological integration” is a big-sounding term for “being real about who god is and who we are.”
Friday, 06 November 2009
Luis Caceres says:
It´s incredible how God works in us and trough us. Thank you Jane for sharing your thoughts and feelings. We´ll see you soon.
Thursday, 29 October 2009
Alison Flynn says:
Lovely to share your thoughts at such a special time, Janey. I think you’ll do a great job of maintaining your other passions and enthusiasms while lost in the awe, wonder and sleeplessness of motherhood!